Let's Keep the Momentum Going

Well, so far 2011 has been difficult for me to get back into my good habits.  I was done with my races,a nd don't have any planned, so I wasn't trying so hard to run 3 miles without stopping anymore.  My site that I was using to count calories changed its format and it really through me for a loop.  I got strep throat and struggled to care about what I ate- I medicated with food.  All of this led me to yesterday.

Yesterday I hit the bottom and the landing was hard.  I was 147.4.  I about cried.  Ok, let's be honest- I cried.  I had worked so hard.  I had seen 139 as recently as January.  I have been fighting a viral illness and medicating with food.  Stuffing my face with candy, even when I am not hungry.  What am I pushing away?  On the 20th, I went to confession and even confessed gluttony.  And then I did it all again, maybe even worse than before and I hated myself.

I was in such a deep dark pit.  I posted this message to my dear friends, begging for their prayers:

	I am really, really struggling right now.  I know exactly how an addict feels.  Please, please pray for me.  I am losing it.  I just can NOT stop eating or thinking about eating.  Yesterday(not exaggerating) I ate like 3000 calories of food- that is twice my daily needs.  I just could not stop.  I saw a number on the scale I hadn't seen in 6 months, and yet it still didn't stop me from shoveling in yet more.  Every minute I  go from thing to thing and realize I am yet again thinking about going to have this thing or that thing.  I have been great about exercise(thankfully) but that is mostly fear because for so long my eating has been completely out of control.(since Christmas break I haven't been able to regain discipline)  I am one of those people who always quits things- never finishes.  I need to make it to a healthy weight for my height. (5'1") I am nearly incapacitated by my desire to eat.  I am drinking lots of water, yesterday I had two pots of green tea just so that my stomach would be full- but despite the full stomach I kept eating.  For whatever reason I am not eating for hunger- there is a deeper hunger- something emotional I am sure that needs to be fed and food is not doing it. I swear it is like being possessed and , I'll be honest- it scares me.  Please pray for me- that I can figure out what the heck is going on and that God give me the strength to win this battle.  Please.  please help me.